What do you think of the idea of having company over the period of your lunch, holding a light-hearted conversation on a topic of your choice, and then going separate ways again? No judgment, no names, no staying in contact.
Between 2016-2017, I was working as an intern at a top-management business consultancy and had two office days (off-site) per week. At lunch, my colleagues and I would go to the food court together, in the mall just a few hundred meters across the road. I would always get the same Daal from a Vietnamese food place. So much, in fact, that I made friends with the restaurant employee over the course of my internship. He wouldn’t say much (he just migrated to Germany) but he had the brightest smile I would see for the rest of the day, and that was a welcomed change from the power-point slides that would burn into my eyes.
The food court had around 20 different vendors arranged in a circle, surrounding a large number of tables and an even larger number of chairs. For whatever reason, the chairs were fixated to the ground and only tables with 2, 4, or 6 chairs were available. We would often arrive with an odd number of colleagues, and some people always had to find a table on their own – first served, first seated. One day my Vietnamese friend and I talked for a little longer and I would stand in front of a fully-seated table when I found my coworkers. My time to shine has come.
I want to make this a worthwhile experience. Lonely lunch? Not with me! Finally I have the opportunity to network with people outside of my work environment. But who would want to talk with an intern in his early 20s? At a food court in the banking district of Frankfurt, the very heart of Europe? This is not a canteen, not a mensa, not a pub. What I see is an ocean of tailor-made suits worn by managers and consultants. You can’t just chat up a CEO during their lunch break (given they spent it at a food court in a mall) – or can you? Well, I can’t know I won’t try – and as I just heard about the Rejection Therapy some days earlier, I put it to the test.
You find my pitch at the top of this page. I went to the most intimidating-looking person in a suit I could find. This person surely would never be approached by anyone who wouldn’t have to talk with them. To be asked for a lunch chat by a stranger who wants no benefit other than time well spent – that would be so unexpected that they could not say “no” without wondering for the rest of their life what they might have missed. The risk is low, it’s a lunch break – the time will not be spent on work anyways and there are a million ways to end the conversation early. I am offering a new face, a new voice, a new experience – a welcomed escape from the endless meetings with the very same people in the filter bubble of work. Maybe that’s the reason – and at least I like to believe that – but regardless, it worked!
I had a splendid lunch break. I learned about a new industry. I learned how it feels like to be “successful in life” (don’t expect too much, dear reader). I learned about the bliss and despair of their work responsibilities, the cost of ambitious career decisions, the value of family and healthy relationships. I learned about priorities, the fight between heart and mind, and the surprise it apparently is to be asked for company by a stranger. I struck gold, I went all-in.
My lunch breaks turned into the most interesting “business blind-dates” I could have ever imagined. In total, I had 50 conversations in six months of internship. I met extraordinary people. Entrepreneurs, income millionaires, people who lost everything. One day I met a guy managing the sales of off-shore wind parks. I would never even have thought of where to meet these people! My lunch breaks became the best part of my internship. Not because of my internship – it was awesome, I still profit so so much from the lessons I learned, the people I worked with, and the perspective I developed – but because my lunch breaks felt like an MBA on steroids. I wouldn’t dare to estimate how much it would have cost me to get access to the strategies, perspectives, and wisdom I received from these people. But it was free, it was fun, and I learned that I could make a difference in their lives as well.
The golden rule was to never ask for their names or contact details. If I had, I would probably sit on a gold mine of business contacts and job opportunities. But I did not, because I wanted the experience to not be clouded by ulterior motives. It was an exercise of mindfulness. The take-away message was “there are people out there who are interested in who you are, not just in your role, your job, your riches, or what they can get out of it. Do not worry”. If I had asked to stay in contact, the take-away message would have changed to “there are smart people who can trick you into opening up and cash-out on your trust”. I received much more than I could have ever asked for, and I felt like giving back by staying true to this rule. I believe that this message changed a life or two. It surely changed mine.
My key learnings:
- People in power rarely have a lighthearted chat without strings attached.
- People can easily see if you have pure intentions and reward you accordingly.
- It does not take much to make a difference. But it’s rare that someone tries.
- In basically every case, listening helps more than trying to be smarter.
- Studying psychology was an awesome decision. People are the best!
Update on 23th March 2022:
I just heard a great talk by Gillian Sandstrom who does exciting research on this topic. Check out her website and publications: https://gilliansandstrom.com/talking2strangers_research/